Our First Year Together || Baby’s 1st Birthday & My First Year As A Mom

Where has the time gone? It feels like only a few months ago, I was mentally panicking as I was being wheeled off for my un-planned C-Section, and then going home with my baby girl a few days later. It felt as though this day was so far away with the sleepless nights, every few hour feeds, and what felt like her forever crying. It’s hard to wrap my head around having a 12-month-old. A full-blown toddler who’s very strong-willed, determined, and curious, who doesn't quite sleep through the night, but almost. A child who loves food and self-feeding, and a child who laughs and babbles way more than she cries.

The beginning felt so hard. Looking back at the photos, I remember being overwhelmed and feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Staying up all night because I was worried she would die in her sleep - I would literally have to go over and put my hand on her and check if she was breathing all. the. time.

I cried often. It was a daily occurrence - I felt incompetent, and unable to do my job as a mother, “properly,” whatever that meant to me at the time. Now? I’m a lot gentler on myself. I’m more patient with both of us, and a lot more understanding. We’re both new to this and both trying our best, and we both haven’t done this before. I think it’s important to remember that it’s also your first time when it’s your 2nd or 3rd+ child. You’ve never done this before with a 2nd or 3rd+ child. And neither have they, your children have never had this new baby before - or even when everyone is a little older, this is the first time they’re 5 years and 20 days old with a 2-year and 50-day-old sibling, and it’s the first time you’ve had children at their ages.

Holidays have been given a new life - they’re different and exciting. All her firsts bring on a new perspective and force me to slow down and enjoy the moment as much as possible because they’re all fleeing before my eyes. The little girl in the pictures feels like a world away but also feels like just yesterday. She could barely crawl at Christmas, and now she’s walking, holding my hand for support as we make our way through the mall.

I’m nervous and excited for all that’s to come. Seeing her grow and learn has been my biggest joy.

✨ Here’s to many more years ✨

And if you’re in the thick of it, “new” mom or not, you’re doing great and you got this, mama.
💕 - Krysti